I can't even see how anyone can put that in their mouth

Working at the wine expo. Working across from Ray was pretty awkward, Chloe (in the pic with me) was like 'he keeps... staring at you' yikes. Drank all sorts of amazing alcohol, talked to some really funny gay's before they were escorted out by security, man I have a great job. Chloe taught me how to shake a cocktail, its in a circular motion instead of up and down she tells me 'you're not giving a hand job'

exam tomorrow, then freeeeeeeedom

A pile of spikes

So actually my car was damaged in the accident, I have a nice big bump on my bumper, at least it didn't smash my light. I wish I had a panel beater boyfriend. Foam party was pretty sick, until I called the bar girl a bitch for not being quick enough with the drinks (I didn't think she heard me) but she did, and had me escorted out. I suppose it teaches me for having such a dirty mouth. Foam was cool though

Because it's better to lose a bit of hair than...

I am such a lucky duck. Went shopping to get my melon coloured bag with sally today, after tossing up more expensive options, I knew $10 was the way to go, even though, when I got to the counter, he charged me $5!! Yippee! En suite, I felt like having some falafel for lunch, after seeing the dismal display at sumo salad, we ventured over to ali baba. As always, the shop staff were highly confused by my order of 'just falafel' having to verify, twice, 'with nothing else?' 'yes please'. I enquired as to their price, and I was told 90c each. As I am currently slimming once again for the foam party, I decided to have two. Then the guy bumbles off to heat them up and says, 'how about 3 for $2.5o?' 'sure!' I reply, one falafel isn't going to break the belt line. Then he hands them to me in a little plastic box with a napkin and a smile and say 'I gave you four' yippee! I gave my bonus nugget to Sally.

Now, you may not be wowed by the free falafel, but as I was leaving my car (the 1 and 2 hour free zone next to the round about, you know Jacki) I couldn't be bothered lugging my huge bag with laptop and two texts books into the boot, so I just left it on my passenger seat. I stray thought of someone breaking into my car flickered through my mind, but I dispelled it because I was only going to be half and hour, and it was the middle of the day, with surely other parkers around. When I returned to my car, there was a car behind mine, slightly obscuring my view of my car, there was smashed glass all over the road just ahead of this car. Oh shit, someone has broken into my car. Fortunately no. As I get closer it is revealed that the car behind me (an Audi TT no less) has had its bonnet demolished, and all over the left side. I then see what I assume is the car that the Audi TT

hit, with a huge buckle in its side and parked at a very odd angle, crushing the bumper of two other parked cars. Now, you had to kind of be there to see it, but but where I most suspect the collision to have happened was about one metre from my car. Not only were two cars almost right-offs, another two had smashed bumpers, while I pulled away without a scratch. That's what I call lucky.

And on a day where we are meant to remember how lucky we are, how appropriate.

Is Scottish a language?

get ready for some freaking cute miniature animals

p.s. doesn't the last guy remind you of something? I spent my afternoon looking at these animals instead of doing my exam. boo.

I need an outie not an innie.

la la la

Halloween party was sick, thanks Jane. So astounded by the amount of effort and creativity that went into so many costumes! Stalin, panda suits, cow suits, sperm, beans, smurfs, zombie farmers, 80's bikers, all things weird, wonderful and scary, and of course our signature corpse bride. I want those photos Jane, you know the one's I'm talking about, the one that makes it hard to sleep at night...

Had a pretty sweet weekend of work at the wine festival, good people, good fun. Free wine and $120 champagne! Invitation to go to the Gold Coast? Well, now I'm super psyched for my NYE adventure, shore thing is almost a sure thing! Would cost about the same to go to Dan's, but I wouldn't know anyone really... bondi promises to go off though!! Ahhh, can't concentrate on exams!

Races on tuesday!! I'm going to rip up the pitch.

God this weather makes me feel amazing. Nothing can get me down! TODAY WAS MY FIRST 30 DEGREE DAY IN ALMOST TWO YEARS! so put that under your magnifying glass and fry it.

you hit me in the balls with the lollipop

Octoberfest was so amazing. I felt like a popularity queen. I wish every week was like that at uni, because I would be there with bells on! And coming back sober at 9pm, haven't seen that kind of hilarity in a while. Steph's 21st, good times, classic comic relief elk, got nice and drunk off champagne, pinyata action by the drunken sister and friends, 3 of us flirting with that guy, then telling him to fuck off when we got hungry and wanted to gorge on the food. Daniel was soooo sweet. I really want him and steph to get married, he is sooo nice to her. When was the last time a guy was that nice to me? Never, that's when!

It's my fucking birthday

The title is from your good friend Angela Jane, whom I met last night, she was lovely, yet slightly abusive hahah

Went to Pfahl's 21st last night and it was loooovely. Not only did I know/talk to more people than I thought I would, the speeches got me so emotional! His friend since he was 4 years old gave some awesome anecdotes and said really sweet things, there were heaps of parents and family friends too, but it was just all so lovely, everyone was plying the loving on Matt, can't wait for my 21st!

Then I had to excuse myself to run to civic

for Maaike's leaving party. A little anti-climatic cos her internship friends were in Sydney, so just me, Andrew, Dean Maaike, as per usual. Well, Angela and her friends were there which was pretty cool. Maaike begged me to get drunk with her, I told her I was driving, she told me to leave my car in civic and let adam drive me home, I declined. It does really kinda suck being sober in civic, but common, it was a Saturday, drinks are expensive dude. So we partied for a bit, danced in moose for a bit, said some goodbyes, though I hope to see her before she leaves. The funniest part of the night was Dean being told by separate establishments (Kingo's and Moose) that he had to put some sleeves on! Hahaha, when he had worn his singlet with such pride. Now I need to write 8 minutes of spoken French or I will die.

It's the most homeless thing I've ever done...

Well, despite waking up while it was still cold enough outside my bed to chill my bones, and sitting in early morning traffic once again, being back at uni felt good. Good to hear that everyone's break had been as work-filled and un-fun as mine. We're all mudslide victims together.

I'm eating Twilight, god I love it, when you get so engrossed in something that it matters to you more than your real life? Who can blame me, it's much more exciting. I miss romance, and the way your stomach feels when the subject of your dreams looks at you in a way that means he might be feeling the way you do.

Sigh. I want to be light and free, I wish I didn't love food enough to be a model.

I'm going to make a playlist that makes me feel like I'm somewhere else.

I saw the cat watching the TV

Last night was goooood. Good old fashioned drunkenness. Bumped into a good lot of people I knew, a blessing and a curse. Par example poor Maaike, Dean and Andrew who saw me for a sophisticated dinner then a meer 2 hours later, I'm careering off the walls in Kingo's. What a shock. Was good to even see the birthday boy, so I looked like I had a purpose to my drunkenness. Some of the best bits were waking up the next day and having forgotten golden moments recounted to me.

"you going to take some photos of us?"

"fuck off!"

"the bouncers hate you"
"they LOVE me"

"why have you thrown your ID on the ground?"

"fuck off"

well, at least I'm hot. Now I'm going to go into recovery mode, and lock myself in my room with nothing but journal articles to keep me company. Well, until next Thursday ;)

I don't want any trouble

Mel's a working girl. Been busting my promotional ass and have made some hard earned cash. Which went on a night out with the girls at R&B heat.

I feel like my life is an old china plate that has a not ugly, yet nostalgically and fundamentally confronting pattern. To avoid staring at it for too long I've filled my plate with some mashed potato, gravy, broccoli and maybe a lil bit of fish. Ok weird metaphor but I tried. You know what I mean, overbooking yourself to avoid too much time for self-reflection. But it is suiting me quite well, I like the business.

All other shit aside, most that matters to me is some good food and good friends.

What I was never sure of with you

Mel is sicky. I thought my years of eating dirt had paid off when I wasn't struck down during my entire France trip. Emotional dirt doesn't do the same shit.

Hung out with Jessie today for the first time in aaages. She is her usual amazing self, except that she is within the love snatches of a guy who doesn't treat her right. Cue broken record.

500 days of summer was amazing, and kind of necessarily painful, like a visit to the dentist. I recommend it to everyone.

Sally thinks Dan from my work is hot, I'm not sure I agree, did anyone catch a glimpse of him on Thursday?

In other news, I'm a hot bitch in a Jack Daniels outfit, and the guys weren't so bad neither!

Where are your scales?

What you are about to hear Elk described as ‘the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard’ so prepare yourselves

Why the fuck am I not over Dean? I feel very over not being over him. I think part of me can just not BELIEVE that he doesn’t want me. Haha, yeah, I really just can’t get my head around the idea. At least that shows I have some amount of self-esteem left. I mean, obviously what is occurring is cognitive dissonance. I have this internal image of myself (hot bitch) countered with this real life information (Dean doesn’t want me). Dear god what to do? Either conclude I am not a hot bitch (impossible) feel instead that Dean must be lying/deluded/on drugs. Yup, much more likely.

So, to the horrific event. I drunk dial Dean at 4am, ask him to come over under the guise of I can sexually attack him and blame on the a-a-a-a-l-co-hol et voila, we are back together. However Dean doesn’t like this plan, and after the 4^th time he says “I’m not coming over, its 4am” he suggests that he can visit after work. Ok then. Still on the phone ‘why don’t you ever call?’ ‘I invited you to the movies on facebook’ ‘that was weeks ago with a bunch of people’ ‘no, I did it a few hours ago”

Ho hum, what does naïve Mel think of all this? Does she hear make up sex bells?
Alas retarded Dean arrives a good 45 minutes late. To cut a long story short, I asked if he had anything to say, he says ‘well, I think we should be friends. I feel very lonely at the moment, must of the people in my life I think are douches to me at times, cases in point being Jane, Andrew, Adam, Jeff etc, and I pretty much have a negative view of everyone in my life. Except you, my feelings towards you are neutral.’

Endo Story.

Petite Anglaise

A couple of examples of how I AM petite anglaise:

pg 12: lugging my luggage around the metro Place de Clichy

pg 13: going to the American Church on Quai d'Orsay (also where the museum us) to look for a job

pg 13: my Australian friend Seff lived in a chambre de bonne, a tiny room on the top floor with kitchen/shower/bedroom all in the same room and toilet down the hall, i got veeeery high and missed the metro once and had to sleep over (see picture)

pg 15: her place on Rue de la Roquette is next to the cemetery Pere Lachaise, where I had my first date with Edi

pg 21: the cute french guys you meet who have cute American english because they spent two weeks in Boston (Gregoire) or studied abroad in Florida (Edi/Felix)

pg 22: getting invited to the REX club (by Julien, his friend knew the

manager and we got in for free)

pg 68: going to an organised meeting in a pub to meet fellow bloggers (for me it was to meet fellow collocataires (roommates), so cool having a sticker if you were looking or offering

pg 84: their date to see a band at teh Nouveau Casino: this is where I saw The Subways with my friend Diana, but reminds me more of me and Gregoire's first date to see Of Montreal at the Bataclan (same street, see picture)

And that is just so far...

The bitch is very very smart

This title was a quote from my mother. I was shocked at her swearing until I realised she was talking about female dogs.

homeo-omey-workey. I didn't think it was so bad until Sally asked me what I had going "2500 word essay, 40% exam" wow, and what about after the break? "8 minute oral in french, 2500 word psych report" yikes. yikes indeed!

I'm sure I'll just pull some sort of superhuman effort out of my arse. Things to look forward to: out on thursday! hopefully the town is going off, either way I've been sober for too many weeks. AFL GF bbq at chez Jacki, I however will have to remain completely neutral as I have too many loyalties to abide by. Mum is still mourning the loss of collingwood. Sam as well who numbed his pain with a good few drinks

COAST TRIP I am going if I have to walk there myself! Dammmmn, its been too long since I was enjoying myself by the sea in good company. Camping, jacuzzi (is that right jacki? did I make that up?) drinking, laying about. Aaahhh.

Man its odd to bump into primary school buddies in a night club when you're wearing flesh coloured clothing...

BRING ON THE SUMMER

Who wants chemo anyway?

SPRING IS IN THE AIR! It makes everyone so happy! Myself included.

My job is awesome. Got paid to chat with this new zealand guy, give out wine, and watch short films. God I love my job. And tomorrow I will be strutting around in the sun at floriade and getting paid for it. Doesn't get better than this!

Haha, but Thursdays shift was pretty funny, wearing ridiculous adam and eve costumes, wandering around giving out cider, the girl I worked with was cool though. We just had to chat up the drunken boys. ahhh.

Damn I dont want to start this essay... boooo. One more day of procastination can't possibly hurt following all the already wasted days?

I want to pretty myself up for Cali! And it's just the weather to be in the mood....

Don't bring me down, just pick me up

Everyone is so damn strong. It's amazing, and inspiring. I can't believe that my besties both had their hearts broken by Marsians within a month. Ca fait long temps depuis we were all single. I feel like such a loser though, look at these up and at-em women, getting back up and dusting themselves off. Surely I should be a little hardier considering a year has passed...

Well, as ever the moral of the story is to be happy doing what you're doing. I spent the evening drinking green tea, exercising and reading my psychology textbook, surprisingly fulfilling. And I've stopped stuffing my face with junk which I will love myself in the morning for.

I sat on the bus today, after French class, day dreaming that I would bump into some frenchies in Canberra and be able to utilise my sick french skills on them. I muttered an entire conversation to myself while sitting on the bus, then I realised this kid from Radford was looking at me. Was probably jealous of my awesome skills. Then I daydreamed about Edi getting his black ass down here and me showing him the sights.

Well, at least single is the new black, I knew my sense of fashion would come full circle.

You don't need to worry about that until you start wanting to eat dirt

I loooooove slobbing around. And eating. It just makes me so happy. I give myself such an intense mental beating about boys and school and future and work, all in some obtuse attempt to be happy one day, but all I want is a fried egg on toast.

Had a pretty sick shift at work, was very unmotivated to go as I was still a little out of it and hung over and had to pop a no-doze before I went. But once I got there it was all good, there was even a cute guy working in liquor. Cute until he opened his mouth and told me he wore trench coats and had been rejected from the defence force five times because he failed the psych test. He asked me if I, being a psych student, could tell him why. I laughed nervously. He asked when I would ever be coming back, again with the nervous laughter.

Spent the day lounging, slowly making my powerpoint for my seminar on advertising. Got more work later, better try and motivate myself. I wonder what I will do tonight, I think I will see someone but I'll have to see whos free.

In a bit of limbo on the UCLA front, am I in or what?? I'm totally going to get a tatoo when I go. And a fake ID hopefully...

If you leave it for a few days it gets all soft and useless

Thought about inviting Sally over today, decided against it. I need these cogs to click. How irritating that hours and days can be spent with the wrong tools getting nowhere, where it would take no time at all in the right frame of mind. I'd make a mint if I sold frame of mind.

Maybe this ginger will zing my system. Decisions on hair have finally reached a sumise, grow the fucker. I wish I was flexible. Ugh, cannot wait to lose my mind to the oblivion of vodka. Back to the comfort zone.

Le Subjonctif

Here's a funny social situation:

toddlers in public. What a delight when your local sporting/entertainment outing is blessed by the presence of a little bundle of joy. One particularily sociable person will engage the child in some game, the fascinated infant transfixed with this stranger. The game gets funnier and funnier, risks are being taken, everyone is laughing, mother is thinking, gosh why don't I do this more often? Suddenly the stranger goes too far, the kid has stumbled in excitement or has been prodded a little too zealously. A horrific sound fills the air, the kid is screaming, crying, wailing, no one is laughing, the mother rushes to its comfort, all the attention is centred on this noise producer. And the stranger is sitting in the corner mortified and thinking "oh god make it stop"

Had coffee with Maaike today. My style is terrible, a result of my poverty and mauvais choix. I should just chuck out everything I own and start again. I should be an abercrombie model.

Funny how their ads don't include a lot of clothing.

She's bored and she's coming over

Man it gets dark early these days.

I want excuses to do my hair and sing and dance and drink and smoke. That used to be friends but not anymore

Today the woman I talked to 9 months ago was at the bus stop again. We had a pleasant chat, about weather (as it always starts) then about France and her daughters gall bladder operation. I think its important to keep your interpersonal skills up to date.

Honey and Aki had a stare off today. My immediate reaction is always to get Aki the hell out of there, to protect my sweet Honey. But dad just told me to leave them, social experimenter as he is, and they just gazed into each others eyes. Maybe they're falling in love.

So look at this wine, it only costs $180

I saw a girl at curtin shops today. She was wearing a skinny salmon cardigan and had wavy long dirty blonde hair. She seems like that kind of girl I would fall in love with if I was a man. Not if I was a lesbian, I think I'd like them butchier. Sometimes I wish I was that girl.

It's easy to write off an entire place and time, until you look for diamonds in the rough, and I think we all think we are a little diamond in the rough. I dunno how many carats though.

Talking of carrots, I plan to make a lovely smoothie get me red blooded tomorrow morning, habitually would this turn me orange? My mum thinks so.

I've staved off writing a blog for a long time. Now I just want to write something that I might be proud to look back on. Tough chance, everything else I wrote as an adolescence repulsed me.

I'm really enjoying "taking picture" by Anne whats-her-name. It's nice to get back into books, that take you somewhere more interesting than you occupy physically.

I want to watch the inconvenient truth, firstly I feel I'm missing out on something, and I feel in the mood for some guilt.